60 Ways to Connect with Your Students

cc flickr photo by azjd

Coming to school each day can become a hopeless task for some children unless they succeed at what they do. We teachers are the sentries against that hopelessness.  ~ Robert DeBruyn

If you know me, or you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I have a passion for working with challenging students, and that I place an extremely high degree of importance on the “human element” of the education profession.  I certainly do not discount the value of content knowledge, but I am a true believer in the power of educators to build hope in those students who may have lost it, and generate the sparks that ignite the flames of lifelong learners. 

In order to do that, it is imperative that we know our students (see We Need to Know), and do everything within our power to develop meaningful connections.  This doesn’t have to be an elaborate, or time consuming process.  In fact, it is often the the little things that have the most significant impact.  Here is a list of sixty ideas to get you started on the road to building strong connections with your students (in no particular order).

1. Learn their names
2. Call them by their name...every chance you get
3. Leave a positive message on voicemail (so the parent, and the student can listen)
4. Ask them to help with something in the classroom, or run an errand
5. Call on them when you know they have the answer
6. Smile frequently
7. Take an interest in the little things - “I notice that you…”
8. Write a note of encouragement
9. Eat lunch with them
10. Attend an event in which they are participating (i.e. concert, athletics, etc.)
11. Post-It note positivity -- drop a note on as their desk (a smiley face, “great job,” etc.)
12. Sponsor a club, or extracurricular activity
13. Share about yourself
14. Show appreciation - say “thank you” and “please”
15. Involve them in classroom decision making
16. Laugh with them
17. Be willing to laugh at yourself
18. Spend time outside of your classroom before, during, and after school
19. Heap on the praise and encouragement
20. Call home when a they are absent -- let them know you are concerned, and that they are missed
21. Give up some control (I know...that makes you nervous)
22. Find ways to let them see that they can make a difference
23. Give them opportunities to pursue their personal interests
24. Admit your mistakes
25. Tell them “I’m sorry,” when it’s called for
26. Demonstrate empathy and compassion
27. Learn about your their home/family situation
28. Share your frustrations, and model how to handle them appropriately
29. Keep Jolly Ranchers on hand (I know...it’s a bribe...but it can be a conversation starter)
30. Point out, and celebrate, small victories
31. Help them set attainable goals
32. Go out of your way to give them a quick hello -- when they aren’t in your class
33. Greet students at your classroom door
34. Say, “I believe in you. I know you can do it.”
35. Have high expectations, and back it up with a high level of support
36. Build grit -- tell them to “keep trying”
37. Be patient
38. Be persistent
39. Show grace
40. Model respectful interactions
41. Give a sincere compliment
42. Ask them about their weekend
43. Intentionally plan for opportunities for them to experience success (write it in a lesson plan)
44. Address concerns in a way that maintains their dignity
45. Say, “You are someone. You are going places.”
46. Recognize when students are having a tough day, and give them a break - it happens to all of us
47. Hold them accountable for what they say they will do
48. Follow through on what you say you will do
49. Give meaningful feedback
50. Praise effort
51. Don't make assumptions (or Assume the Best)
52. Make relationships a priority
53. Tell students you are proud of them
54. Slow down, be present, listen
55. High fives, fist bumps and handshakes
56. Stay away from your desk, or out of the office
57. Be an advocate
58. Find something you have in common
59. Talk about their future as a definitive - “When you get to high school…”, etc.
60. Tell students, “you matter!"

I challenge you to pick two, or three, of these ideas from the list and be intentional about putting them into practice on a daily basis. Continue to add to your strategies throughout the school year. If something isn’t working, try something else.

If you have other suggestions for building connections, please add them in the comments. I would love to hear your ideas and add to this list!

We Need to Know

cc flickr photo by azjd

I began my teaching career at an inner-city school in downtown Phoenix.  For a young man who was from a very small town, in central Kansas, the diversity of the school was staggering -- ethnically, economically, and academically.  While I was aware of families in need in our community, I had never been exposed to the level of poverty, and violence, that my downtown Phoenix students faced on a daily basis.  At the time, I remember being shocked when I walked into my classroom to find two of my students comparing bullet wounds, or when, on a home visit with the school counselor, we discovered a student who was staying home in order to protect his mother from an abusive boyfriend.  The realities of life had forced these students to grow up way too fast.

Even years later, at a different school, I sometimes worry that I have become immune to the harsh realities of students who live in poverty.  I no longer bat an eye when students tell me a parent is in jail, or they are homeless, or that they weren't able to be in school because they were babysitting an ill sibling.  It's not that I don't care, but these events that I should find appalling, no longer have the shock value.  Been there, seen that.

This morning, the first day of our third week of school, a teacher asked me what was going on with one of our students who some would find rough around the edges.  I wasn't sure what the teacher was talking about.  A few minutes later, as students were walking into one of our buildings, I noticed the boy.  He had tears in his eyes, and seemed antsy.  I asked if he was alright.  He shook his head -- "no."  I asked if he wanted to hang out in my office for awhile.  He shook his head -- "yes."  He came into my office with me and sat in one of my chairs, head down, tears flowing.  "Do you need a Kleenex?"  A nod of the head...yes.  "Are you having problems at home?"  Another nod...yes.  "Are you safe?"  Another nod, quickly followed by "I don't want to talk about it."  I let it go, and allowed him to sit quietly.  But, as I worked at my desk, thoughts and questions bounced around in my head.  I know your name, but:

• Who do you live with?
• Do you have brothers and sisters?
• Is there someone at home you can talk to?
• Do you have someone to go to when you need help?
• Is there any chance you will be able to focus on school?
• Have you eaten anything today?
• Where do you live?
• Who are your friends?
• What do you like to do when your not in school?
• Do you have any dreams/aspirations?

It was painfully obvious that I didn't know enough about this youngster to have even a decent understanding of the challenges he might be facing, and how these challenges might impact his performance in school.  It reminded me of a post I wrote, about a year ago, entitled Do You Know Me?  As a principal, I should do better.  I should know.  So tomorrow, I will check in on this student, and I will begin to ask questions -- not overbearing, but caring. 

Problems and issues are certainly not exclusive to students from poverty.  That is why it is imperative that educators take the time, and invest the energy necessary to really know their students.

How do you learn about your kids and develop connections?

You are a Difference Maker!

This post is from the archives of my Molehills out of Mountains blog.  It is a brief message written to our staff, last year, in anticipation of our first day of school.  Thought some might find it  useful as the new school year starts-up.

cc flickr photo by Krissy.Venosdale

As we prepare for the arrival of our students, I hope you will take a few quiet moments to put aside lesson plans, forget about administrative tasks, and consider our purpose (as a school, and as individual educators): we must attend to the academic, social and emotional needs of each one of our students.  Our educational system asks a lot of teachers, and unfortunately, in times when we are spread too "thin," it is difficult to maintain our focus on the best interest of kids.  That is why it is so critical that we take time for reflection, deliberately considering how we maintain student centered practices on our campus and in our classrooms.

When our students walk through the front gates on Monday morning, please remember that you are a difference maker!  The small gestures you make to welcome students, and demonstrate an interest in their lives, will have an impact.  There is tremendous power in a smile, a handshake, or an encouraging word.  In the coming year, you will have opportunities to build confidence where it hasn't existed, develop connections that have never been present, and generate hope for students who's academic careers have been marred by hopelessness.  All of these are truly super powers!During yesterday's training, the presenters shared the following quote - a powerful reminder of our ability to make a difference (either positive, or negative).

I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom.  It’s my daily mood that makes the weather.  As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous.  I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.  I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.  In all situations, it is my response that decides whether crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.  ~ Haim Ginot

You should all be proud of the profession you have chosen, the hard work you do on behalf of our students, and the determination with which you address challenges.  In the first few days/weeks of school I challenge you to really get to know your students, share a little about yourself, develop meaningful connections, and make decisions based upon what is best for kids.  Thank you for all you do for our school community...your efforts are noticed, and appreciated!

Out of the Shadows

cc flickr photo by azjd14

After a brief summer break, our students returned to school today.   Never underestimate the opportunity for a fresh start -- it was a good day.  I was only being slightly facetious when I joked with several staff members that I'm not sure I ever feel more effective as a principal than during the first week of school.  I spent the vast majority of my day, out of my office, helping kids.  Among other things, I answered questions, interpreted schedules, served as a tour guide, listened to stories about summer, explained the lunch special, reassured, and encouraged.  It felt good to really FOCUS on kids.

As I watched our students stream through the front gates at the beginning of the day, I couldn't help but marvel at the diversity of the group -- and be a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of addressing the individual needs of all of these kiddos.  Each one arrives in junior high with their own story, their own history -- a shadow, if you will.  Some are well-prepared, supported, and confident.  They are motivated, and eager to learn.  Their shadows are exactly where they should be -- behind them.  For others, the shadows loom large, eclipsing motivation, and extinguishing hope.  For these students, school must seem a bit like the movie Groundhog Day -- a new year without the promise of change.

How do we help these students come out of the shadows?  It starts with caring adults focusing on building connections.  Relationships are a BIG deal, and we have to treat them as such.  Teachers interested in breaking students out of a negative school cycle will:

• Get to know their kids -- developing a keen awareness of their past (and present) circumstances, without letting it cloud judgement about the student's future.
• Be diligent about searching for successes.  They will find a reason to celebrate with every child.
• Consider the strategies, tools, and resources that can be used to learn about the lives of students, and their personal interests.
• Reflect on how they will reach out to student's who haven't experienced success in a long time.
• Ensure that every student (within the first week--if not day--of school) walks away with a personal, and positive, experience.

The late Dr. Rita Pierson had it exactly right when she spoke about the challenges, and joys, of working with kids "in the shadows."  Every child does need a champion.  

Relationships won't change everything, but make no mistake about the fact that little will change without positive relationships.  What else can we do to bring students out of the shadows?